I have posted a short piece on how AI is shifting power and opportunity in the present moment. I invite you to give it a quick read and let me know where you agree or disagree.
I was mostly referring to the time I spend on LinkedIn for my day job... it feels like 95 percent of the posts follow the same AI-generated formula. Substack is where I go to get a breath of fresh air!
so touching... the struggle to keep moving forward when you only desire to stay in the past. moving forward is the only option whether you want it or not, the pain of being stuck and realizing & releasing the pain when you start to move forward
You are shaped by the past , it has made you who you are today. the past is not erased . You learn from your past experiences , if you have made poor choices in the past then going back is not an option , you can only move forward . Your memories of the past are shaped by what you remember . For Good or Bad . You have a choice in what you learn from past experiences.
It sounds like you may be carrying an enormous burden of pain . It sounds like you cling to that burden because you are still trying to process it . You must process it , you must realise that pain is often love with nowhere to go .
Be gentle with yourself and see that the pain is a sign of a great love that needs somewhere to go. It may be that you need to release it by letting yourself realise that a broken heart has more capacity for compassion. If that is the case, then let yourself compassion flow to help ease the pain in others . That will ease your own burden of pain , it will fill your heart with new purpose.
Don’t let the pain of your past kill you . Let it be the impetus to grow into that person you are meant to be . Take that step, take that risk . The price of Love is grief , but the greater the love the greater the grief . If we have never grieved then we have never loved .
Been crying nonstop for 20 minutes after reading this, I was not aware I needed those words so badly till you wrote them. Thank you for sharing something so beautiful.
Hello Josefina. Thank you for your kind. Words. I hope you have shed tears of release .
I am new here in Substack , and only came to it because a friend has a blog .
I lost my 25 year old Son to Suicide 9 years ago this coming December . He had just finished a two year university course to become a maths teacher.
He had just learned that the post he was filling as a supply teacher was to be made permanent and had a lovely Irish girlfriend who he met whilst at university.
The pain and anguish of losing a child, is indescribable, it is not the natural order of life. Having the hope and joy of a future ripped out of one’s heart leaves one trying to make sense of a loss that can never be replaced.
Those words you read are the result of eight years experience of living with a grief that will never end. However, some words were planted in my heart just a few days after Tom took his own life. I felt them in my heart rather than hearing them in my head . Those words were that I should honour Tom with love respect and dignity in the way I conduct my life. I have tried to uphold that promise and of course not always succeeded, but those words still ring true and if you find comfort from what I wrote then it is because that is my truth.
My experience of things could have been very different. Had I not heard those words, but I believe they were from God and I know they saved me from going down a route which would’ve been a path to destruction so I am very heartened that those words found you and have helped you because that is why we are on this earth; to help one another to feel each other’s pain.
I hope my few words will help you move forward in your life and to realise your potential and your capacity for love.
I can’t begin to tell you how much it means to me that you took the time to write all of that and opened up in such a meaningful way. I’m truly, deeply sorry for your loss, and I hope you know that he’s still with you, everywhere.
Everything you wrote is proof that you’ve learned to fly with him, without letting go of the hands of those still here on Earth.
Thank you for sharing your time and your story, I’m truly moved by it.
I don’t know if you’ve ever considered it, but you write beautifully. It seems like you have so much insight to share, maybe you should consider writing a few articles here.
I’m sure I wouldn’t be the only one thrilled to read them. Just a thought.
Thank you. I keep being told by a close friend that I should write . My usual response has been “ but write about what ?” I guess your response tells me I do have something to say .
I love the way you refer to learning to fly with Tom while not letting go of the hands of those still here on earth.
I was for quite a while involved with a bereavement support group facilitated bye TCF or the compassionate friends .
The members of the support group had all suffered the loss of a child through suicide . One member, retired Consultant Anaesthetist said “I have dedicated my life to science, the older I get the more I realise that science does not have all the answers”.
She had used the services of a medium and she said she was utterly amazed at what the medium could tell her about her daughter who had also taken her own life. With some trepidation but undeniable curiosity I sought out the same medium, a lady who worked online using Facebook. All she ever asked by way of information was my name and the name of the child that I’ve lost, which was Tom of course.
She was scheduled to do a sort of live Facebook reading the following days so I tuned in. somewhat apprehensive; however after a short introduction she said but there is a very important message and it’s from Tom, he’s standing by my left shoulder which is unusual, but he says that this is where he stands when he’s with you. I know that myself and Tom and my daughter Charlotte are all left-handed like myself.
A year after Tom died I began creating what was initially just a corner of the front garden as a sort of memory garden.
That developed quite quickly and has undergone numerous iterations and now includes a pond with fish, a small patio made of a stone circle in the centre of which is an aperture through which a rose tree stands and is currently in bloom. The name of the Rose is Eternal Love.
When the medium was speaking she said Tom is pointing to not one but two bottles of champagne and he’s pinging a couple of crystal glasses with his finger.
The incredible thing is that my neighbour across the road had a bottle of champagne in her fridge which she was going to open to celebrate the completion of the garden. My partner also had a bottle of champagne in her fridge so there’s no way this lady could’ve known anything about that.
Tom used a lot of aviation analogies in describing his view from his new perspective . I’m an aviation fan .
Thank you for reading and I hope you go from strength to strength .
thats not possible. you cant eat what you ate yesterday. you cant read or experience this piece for the first time again. release the pain and start moving forward
have the pain and memory remind you over and over again. the pain or joy reminds what youve lost and gained.
reflect, how have you changed since the past you choose?
and why, have you chosen that part of your past? is the whole image something you want, or are you instead picking what parts you want. is it possible to gain the parts again, or is the suffering necessary
as someone who has been so lonely and has been wondering why everyone else in life is moving on, feeling “stuck” like you said has caused me to be angry at life and the world. but you are so right, life continuously moving is not a punishment, it is there to help you. thank you so much for this piece. i will read it everyday
hailey, I am right there with you. it’s something I have to remind myself of constantly, too. life’s forward motion can feel so difficult when you’re stuck, but it’s also the very thing that helps us heal. hang in there–you’re not alone in this, and even on the toughest days, the fact that you’re still here means you’re moving forward in ways you might not see yet. sending love <3
thank you so much jia for your beautiful words. you are a light in this world and deserve the most beautiful life. thank you so, so much i’m sending so much love to you.
This part brought tears to my eyes: “Because the truth is, the living is still happening — quietly, stubbornly, relentlessly — all around you, even when you cannot yet feel it stirring under your skin.” Grief is gut wrenching but there’s a comfort in knowing the way forward is always happening and waiting for us to rejoin.
I was just thinking this yesterday as I sat in the garden and my husband told me to doctor called with test results that weren’t good. The neighbors next door had just come from a memorial service and were telling uproarious tales about those who had passed, the kids across the back fence were bouncing balls and talking trash, and the birds came for the feeder, and the clouds threatened rain. There was such a this ness to it all. Thank you for giving more words to that experience.
Beautiful piece on something that has hit so deep for me lately as I have suffered. What helped me continue onwards is simply knowing the sun would rise every morning. As cruel as I felt to have to keep going after a sudden heartbreak, over time I have realized that there is always a new day ahead. You can turn something so painful and broken into a beautiful realization- it's good that time doesn't stop for us.
one of those rare pieces that resonate, then reverberates. I’ve been struggling, circling this idea of moving forward while carrying the quieter griefs; versions of myself, dreams, and relationships that didn’t make it. “Life goes on” feels like an erasure. But you’ve redefined it as... a promise? Profound. Reframing is maybe what I need most.
I have to wholeheartedly and with full love disagree with you here. At the end of March I lost my brother. I lost my Dad in Jan 2020 and that grief taught me a valuable lesson that I’m finding hugely comforting in this new grief. Mourning rituals exist for a good reason. These are different person to person, culture to culture, but they’re so helpful. My own personal version of this is that the first year is a bubble in which you live very, very close to the person who died. The second year is when their loss hits. And the third year is when life begins to grow around that grief. I do everything in three year cycles, it’s my natural rhythm and I’ve denied myself that time limit except for in grief, where the hugeness of it allowed me to actually be myself without my masking behaviours. Rather amazingly for me the World literally shut down during years one and two of my grief for my Dad and I lived in this strange reality where the world opening up again was the hard bit, not the closing. It felt so correct that the world should stop. But I didn’t stop, I processed in the quiet that allowed me to. And now, with the world wide open I can only process alone, I go out into the world and disassociate and I come home and I am present to the reality of losing someone I love some much it’s unbearable to know they’ve turned to ash already. I think capitalism wants us to keep going, not life. Life can be lived quietly and in stillness, and some things are so huge they demand quiet and stillness. And in the quiet and stillness we feel, we process and we grow around the wound.
Thank you so much for sharing this–I’m deeply sorry for your losses, and I can feel the strength and love in your words. The feelings you've described are such a powerful reminder that grief has its own rhythms, and honoring that through rituals or quiet stillness is incredibly wise and human. My piece came from grappling with how relentless life can feel in the midst of pain, but your insight is such an important reminder that stillness is also part of living—and sometimes exactly what we need. Thank you again for sharing your story with such honesty. Wishing you continued gentleness and space as you move through this. <3
This puts into words so perfectly my emotions when, 3 weeks after losing my husband unexpectedly at age 43, my first venture back into the “real and mundane world” was a trip to the grocers on Christmas Eve day. I was nearly paralyzed by the urgency, the joy, the normalcy of it all. I tried to explain how surreal and painful it was to friends, but until reading this piece, there were no words that were sufficient. SO beautifully expressed. Thank you.
What a beautiful piece of writing! Thank you for these words. I felt truly moved and recall being so upset at the world for carrying on when for a few times in my life it had ended. Grief was all I knew and felt everyone else should too. But of course, life goes on. Thank you again for giving words to these feelings and thoughts.
When I became an adult, I didn’t realize the floodgates of life were going to pour open and not give me anytime to adapt. I thought I had a handle of what struggles were and to an extent I did in highschool. I finally had a grip of life and realized I didn’t even start lol.
I loved this article because I think it really shows how despite everything life dosnt stop and even though it’s really scary, realizing you won’t ever truly understand it helped me. I do what I can and I’m learning to not care about the rest. It not easy but learning how you adapt to YOUR version of life I think really helped me go with the flow of life and make it a little easier to navigate.
I know the whole point of the article is that life won’t stop and how it can be scary yet hopeful but I really wish we could slow down just a tad. Right when I get a grip again it’s like more shit gets piled on. It gets harder to appreciate life and be successful at the same time.
Needed to read something not written by AI today to remind myself how beautiful and messy it is to be human. This piece delivered, and then some.
Hello my friend.
I have posted a short piece on how AI is shifting power and opportunity in the present moment. I invite you to give it a quick read and let me know where you agree or disagree.
https://canfictionhelpusthrive.substack.com/p/ai-shame-is-a-gate-to-keep-the-working
True 😂
I was mostly referring to the time I spend on LinkedIn for my day job... it feels like 95 percent of the posts follow the same AI-generated formula. Substack is where I go to get a breath of fresh air!
so touching... the struggle to keep moving forward when you only desire to stay in the past. moving forward is the only option whether you want it or not, the pain of being stuck and realizing & releasing the pain when you start to move forward
What if my desire is to become the past?
You are shaped by the past , it has made you who you are today. the past is not erased . You learn from your past experiences , if you have made poor choices in the past then going back is not an option , you can only move forward . Your memories of the past are shaped by what you remember . For Good or Bad . You have a choice in what you learn from past experiences.
It sounds like you may be carrying an enormous burden of pain . It sounds like you cling to that burden because you are still trying to process it . You must process it , you must realise that pain is often love with nowhere to go .
Be gentle with yourself and see that the pain is a sign of a great love that needs somewhere to go. It may be that you need to release it by letting yourself realise that a broken heart has more capacity for compassion. If that is the case, then let yourself compassion flow to help ease the pain in others . That will ease your own burden of pain , it will fill your heart with new purpose.
Don’t let the pain of your past kill you . Let it be the impetus to grow into that person you are meant to be . Take that step, take that risk . The price of Love is grief , but the greater the love the greater the grief . If we have never grieved then we have never loved .
this really really helped me! Thank you ♥️
I’m gladdened that you find meaning in my attempt to share my truth . Ultimately we are here to help each other . God bless you
Been crying nonstop for 20 minutes after reading this, I was not aware I needed those words so badly till you wrote them. Thank you for sharing something so beautiful.
Hello Josefina. Thank you for your kind. Words. I hope you have shed tears of release .
I am new here in Substack , and only came to it because a friend has a blog .
I lost my 25 year old Son to Suicide 9 years ago this coming December . He had just finished a two year university course to become a maths teacher.
He had just learned that the post he was filling as a supply teacher was to be made permanent and had a lovely Irish girlfriend who he met whilst at university.
The pain and anguish of losing a child, is indescribable, it is not the natural order of life. Having the hope and joy of a future ripped out of one’s heart leaves one trying to make sense of a loss that can never be replaced.
Those words you read are the result of eight years experience of living with a grief that will never end. However, some words were planted in my heart just a few days after Tom took his own life. I felt them in my heart rather than hearing them in my head . Those words were that I should honour Tom with love respect and dignity in the way I conduct my life. I have tried to uphold that promise and of course not always succeeded, but those words still ring true and if you find comfort from what I wrote then it is because that is my truth.
My experience of things could have been very different. Had I not heard those words, but I believe they were from God and I know they saved me from going down a route which would’ve been a path to destruction so I am very heartened that those words found you and have helped you because that is why we are on this earth; to help one another to feel each other’s pain.
I hope my few words will help you move forward in your life and to realise your potential and your capacity for love.
I can’t begin to tell you how much it means to me that you took the time to write all of that and opened up in such a meaningful way. I’m truly, deeply sorry for your loss, and I hope you know that he’s still with you, everywhere.
Everything you wrote is proof that you’ve learned to fly with him, without letting go of the hands of those still here on Earth.
Thank you for sharing your time and your story, I’m truly moved by it.
I don’t know if you’ve ever considered it, but you write beautifully. It seems like you have so much insight to share, maybe you should consider writing a few articles here.
I’m sure I wouldn’t be the only one thrilled to read them. Just a thought.
Wishing you all the best. Take care
Thank you. I keep being told by a close friend that I should write . My usual response has been “ but write about what ?” I guess your response tells me I do have something to say .
I love the way you refer to learning to fly with Tom while not letting go of the hands of those still here on earth.
I was for quite a while involved with a bereavement support group facilitated bye TCF or the compassionate friends .
The members of the support group had all suffered the loss of a child through suicide . One member, retired Consultant Anaesthetist said “I have dedicated my life to science, the older I get the more I realise that science does not have all the answers”.
She had used the services of a medium and she said she was utterly amazed at what the medium could tell her about her daughter who had also taken her own life. With some trepidation but undeniable curiosity I sought out the same medium, a lady who worked online using Facebook. All she ever asked by way of information was my name and the name of the child that I’ve lost, which was Tom of course.
She was scheduled to do a sort of live Facebook reading the following days so I tuned in. somewhat apprehensive; however after a short introduction she said but there is a very important message and it’s from Tom, he’s standing by my left shoulder which is unusual, but he says that this is where he stands when he’s with you. I know that myself and Tom and my daughter Charlotte are all left-handed like myself.
A year after Tom died I began creating what was initially just a corner of the front garden as a sort of memory garden.
That developed quite quickly and has undergone numerous iterations and now includes a pond with fish, a small patio made of a stone circle in the centre of which is an aperture through which a rose tree stands and is currently in bloom. The name of the Rose is Eternal Love.
When the medium was speaking she said Tom is pointing to not one but two bottles of champagne and he’s pinging a couple of crystal glasses with his finger.
The incredible thing is that my neighbour across the road had a bottle of champagne in her fridge which she was going to open to celebrate the completion of the garden. My partner also had a bottle of champagne in her fridge so there’s no way this lady could’ve known anything about that.
Tom used a lot of aviation analogies in describing his view from his new perspective . I’m an aviation fan .
Thank you for reading and I hope you go from strength to strength .
Ditto
thats not possible. you cant eat what you ate yesterday. you cant read or experience this piece for the first time again. release the pain and start moving forward
How?
have the pain and memory remind you over and over again. the pain or joy reminds what youve lost and gained.
reflect, how have you changed since the past you choose?
and why, have you chosen that part of your past? is the whole image something you want, or are you instead picking what parts you want. is it possible to gain the parts again, or is the suffering necessary
The past is an illusion we have recreated with our mind - so even in this, your spirit is imagining, creating the future, and moving forward.
best. piece. i’ve. ever. read.
as someone who has been so lonely and has been wondering why everyone else in life is moving on, feeling “stuck” like you said has caused me to be angry at life and the world. but you are so right, life continuously moving is not a punishment, it is there to help you. thank you so much for this piece. i will read it everyday
hailey, I am right there with you. it’s something I have to remind myself of constantly, too. life’s forward motion can feel so difficult when you’re stuck, but it’s also the very thing that helps us heal. hang in there–you’re not alone in this, and even on the toughest days, the fact that you’re still here means you’re moving forward in ways you might not see yet. sending love <3
thank you so much jia for your beautiful words. you are a light in this world and deserve the most beautiful life. thank you so, so much i’m sending so much love to you.
This describes the beauty of life. Real. In your face. Exhilarating.
I concur. Such a heartfelt piece !
This part brought tears to my eyes: “Because the truth is, the living is still happening — quietly, stubbornly, relentlessly — all around you, even when you cannot yet feel it stirring under your skin.” Grief is gut wrenching but there’s a comfort in knowing the way forward is always happening and waiting for us to rejoin.
I was just thinking this yesterday as I sat in the garden and my husband told me to doctor called with test results that weren’t good. The neighbors next door had just come from a memorial service and were telling uproarious tales about those who had passed, the kids across the back fence were bouncing balls and talking trash, and the birds came for the feeder, and the clouds threatened rain. There was such a this ness to it all. Thank you for giving more words to that experience.
hang in there holly….sending you some love❤️
Beautiful piece on something that has hit so deep for me lately as I have suffered. What helped me continue onwards is simply knowing the sun would rise every morning. As cruel as I felt to have to keep going after a sudden heartbreak, over time I have realized that there is always a new day ahead. You can turn something so painful and broken into a beautiful realization- it's good that time doesn't stop for us.
i love how you put it—the sun will always rise, and with it, a new day and new strength. thanks for sharing <3
one of those rare pieces that resonate, then reverberates. I’ve been struggling, circling this idea of moving forward while carrying the quieter griefs; versions of myself, dreams, and relationships that didn’t make it. “Life goes on” feels like an erasure. But you’ve redefined it as... a promise? Profound. Reframing is maybe what I need most.
Thank you.
I have to wholeheartedly and with full love disagree with you here. At the end of March I lost my brother. I lost my Dad in Jan 2020 and that grief taught me a valuable lesson that I’m finding hugely comforting in this new grief. Mourning rituals exist for a good reason. These are different person to person, culture to culture, but they’re so helpful. My own personal version of this is that the first year is a bubble in which you live very, very close to the person who died. The second year is when their loss hits. And the third year is when life begins to grow around that grief. I do everything in three year cycles, it’s my natural rhythm and I’ve denied myself that time limit except for in grief, where the hugeness of it allowed me to actually be myself without my masking behaviours. Rather amazingly for me the World literally shut down during years one and two of my grief for my Dad and I lived in this strange reality where the world opening up again was the hard bit, not the closing. It felt so correct that the world should stop. But I didn’t stop, I processed in the quiet that allowed me to. And now, with the world wide open I can only process alone, I go out into the world and disassociate and I come home and I am present to the reality of losing someone I love some much it’s unbearable to know they’ve turned to ash already. I think capitalism wants us to keep going, not life. Life can be lived quietly and in stillness, and some things are so huge they demand quiet and stillness. And in the quiet and stillness we feel, we process and we grow around the wound.
Thank you so much for sharing this–I’m deeply sorry for your losses, and I can feel the strength and love in your words. The feelings you've described are such a powerful reminder that grief has its own rhythms, and honoring that through rituals or quiet stillness is incredibly wise and human. My piece came from grappling with how relentless life can feel in the midst of pain, but your insight is such an important reminder that stillness is also part of living—and sometimes exactly what we need. Thank you again for sharing your story with such honesty. Wishing you continued gentleness and space as you move through this. <3
Thanks Jia, and the same to you as you allow life to pull you forwards ❤️
Having just lost my husband and feeling like I’m floundering, this piece gave me hope even as the tears flow. Thank you.
This puts into words so perfectly my emotions when, 3 weeks after losing my husband unexpectedly at age 43, my first venture back into the “real and mundane world” was a trip to the grocers on Christmas Eve day. I was nearly paralyzed by the urgency, the joy, the normalcy of it all. I tried to explain how surreal and painful it was to friends, but until reading this piece, there were no words that were sufficient. SO beautifully expressed. Thank you.
What a beautiful piece of writing! Thank you for these words. I felt truly moved and recall being so upset at the world for carrying on when for a few times in my life it had ended. Grief was all I knew and felt everyone else should too. But of course, life goes on. Thank you again for giving words to these feelings and thoughts.
Not this making me tear up in a coffee shop on a Sunday morning...
reading this healed parts of me that you didnt even broke into pieces. thank you for this 🤍
You truly captured the absurdity of life in this.
When I became an adult, I didn’t realize the floodgates of life were going to pour open and not give me anytime to adapt. I thought I had a handle of what struggles were and to an extent I did in highschool. I finally had a grip of life and realized I didn’t even start lol.
I loved this article because I think it really shows how despite everything life dosnt stop and even though it’s really scary, realizing you won’t ever truly understand it helped me. I do what I can and I’m learning to not care about the rest. It not easy but learning how you adapt to YOUR version of life I think really helped me go with the flow of life and make it a little easier to navigate.
I know the whole point of the article is that life won’t stop and how it can be scary yet hopeful but I really wish we could slow down just a tad. Right when I get a grip again it’s like more shit gets piled on. It gets harder to appreciate life and be successful at the same time.
Truth. And absurdly enough, best seen in my life when I stopped at a Buc-ee’s for the clean bathroom as I drove with my daughter to burry my son.
Katie, I’m sorry about your son. I can’t imagine that pain. I pray God will ease the grief for you and your daughter.