25 Comments
User's avatar
kaye's avatar

this made me tear up. i used to think staying quiet meant keeping the peace, but really, i was abandoning myself just to feel loved, just to feel safe. so many memories i’ve carried in silence—but reading this reminded me they weren’t signs of weakness. they were part of how i survived. and now… i’m choosing me. the version of me that doesn’t beg to be seen, doesn’t chase, doesn’t shrink. just soft, steady becoming. thank you for this. it feels like someone reached into my chest and put the ache into words 🤍

Expand full comment
Cheré O’Brien's avatar

Wow. This is what I joined Substack for. Beautiful and timely for me. ❤️

Expand full comment
Bubamarrë's avatar

oh my goodness. This reached out to a part of me who is so exhausted of this path, so often feels so close to giving up. You just empowered the other voice inside that tells it to be patient - that knows this is the only way to thriving, beyond surviving. Thank you for writing this. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Expand full comment
Tina Walsh's avatar

Wow! That is so beautifully written and absolutely captures the last 2 years of my life! Thank you 🙏 ❤️

Expand full comment
MR.ADI's avatar

It's amazing

Expand full comment
Recueil Newsletter's avatar

Your words have deeply resonated with me ✨

Last week, I walked away from a 15year friendship: it had silently ended some time ago, but there was something that kept nagging me saying “you need to take back your dignity. End it with words not a silent compliance ”. so I did. And I’ve been in some post-chaos haze since, wobbly and shadowy.

So thank so much for this post, I didn’t realise I needed it ❤️

Expand full comment
Bougie Hippie's avatar

Perfect timing to stumble on here.

My soul is crying while reading this. Thank you.

>>> sitting cross-legged on the floor of your own soul, wondering where everyone went—and why the quiet feels so loud.

Expand full comment
Yasmina Stitou's avatar

you don’t know how much i needed to read this. it was no coincidence that i found this beautiful usage of the word staring at me from my iPhone screen. thank you, sincerely, from a fear powered woman that never stopped to smell the flowers until she absolutely had to pull that emergency brake. 💙

Expand full comment
seffa's avatar

i’m sobbing 😭

Expand full comment
Fanelwa's avatar

beautifully written and timely 🥹🤍

Expand full comment
Joy's avatar

*damn it. Can’t not can.

Expand full comment
Joy's avatar

*hard not had sorry.

And yes, give up on not being yourself in life. What’s the point if you can be yourself.

But don’t think you need to heal alone or must be perfect alone before you can love. We are none of us ever perfect.

Expand full comment
Joy's avatar

I never comment. On this I do.

I agree with so much and this is beautifully written. But I think it is fundamentally wrong that loneliness is right in this crisis and growth scenario.

It is not a strictly gendered issue. That said, in my experience, often this is a male experience. That we must be alone to work through our feelings. There are many exceptions to this rule as ever though.

I share that only to recognise that it is but one way to deal with difficult emotions. Having been through very challenging times, I have felt both loneliness and isolation in the experience, and better connections to people than ever before if I speak to a friend in the moment.

Happiness psychology says we should reach out to friends in times of depression and sadness. It might feel had but it is true. And when we do, people who care are so delighted to be able to help. As I would be delighted to help any friend in need. In doing so, we then find more intimacy and care and connection than ever before.

Try it

Expand full comment
Guadalupe A Martinez Gomez's avatar

wow this was beautifully written ppl please always remember until you are comfortable with being alone you won’t know if you choose someone out of love or loneliness so take the time to care for yourself plant your own garden and never lose yourself for anyone 💗

Expand full comment
Elizabeth Griffiths's avatar

This is truly wonderful and speaks to me across decades of pretending xxxx

Expand full comment
Joanna Rae Lopez's avatar

Stunning. What a perfect capture of this journey!

Expand full comment