My brain does this too! Bad memories that are so vivid it’s scary!
In 2022 I took over the care of my mother who had dementia…alcoholic dementia actually. You see, she was a passive-aggressive narcissist and we had a complicated relationship. After attempting to have her stay with me for 3 months, I finally moved her into Memory Care. Anyway, I started back to therapy to help deal with it all.
One day my therapist had me close my eyes and through very soft prompts, relive my first, worst interaction with my mother. I was 7 and she took me to a local 5 & 10 store, handed me $5 and stated “You know what this is for” to which I said “yes” only because I didn’t want to appear stupid. I had no idea what it was for but spent the next 20 minutes agonizing over what toy I wanted. After she picked me up and I proudly showed her my toy, she spent the drive home berating me. I was selfish and thoughtless and I cried so hard, wanting to die. The $5 was for HER birthday present.
Reliving this in therapy reduced me to tears but it also released the hold that memory had on my mind! It put perspective, that my mind didn’t have, on this event. I realized I was too young and shouldn’t have had to endure any of that. I agreed out of fear and acted as a child would. Afterwards, I felt so free, so light and it was amazing! It broke the hold that memory had on me for decades. Most importantly it taught me to look at these memories with more perspective…which has helped me in my journey.
You are correct, these memories show us what we have been through and how unbelievably strong and resilient we really are. 💜
I love how you have written about this... I only recently became aware of how my brain has a twisted way of building survival instincts..and to have it articulated so well is just wow...
Thank you so much.
I am curious to hear if any of you guys have ways of helping your brain reframe. I recently started documenting the joys in photos and voice notes that I oftenly revisit to help my brain remember.
My brain does this too! Bad memories that are so vivid it’s scary!
In 2022 I took over the care of my mother who had dementia…alcoholic dementia actually. You see, she was a passive-aggressive narcissist and we had a complicated relationship. After attempting to have her stay with me for 3 months, I finally moved her into Memory Care. Anyway, I started back to therapy to help deal with it all.
One day my therapist had me close my eyes and through very soft prompts, relive my first, worst interaction with my mother. I was 7 and she took me to a local 5 & 10 store, handed me $5 and stated “You know what this is for” to which I said “yes” only because I didn’t want to appear stupid. I had no idea what it was for but spent the next 20 minutes agonizing over what toy I wanted. After she picked me up and I proudly showed her my toy, she spent the drive home berating me. I was selfish and thoughtless and I cried so hard, wanting to die. The $5 was for HER birthday present.
Reliving this in therapy reduced me to tears but it also released the hold that memory had on my mind! It put perspective, that my mind didn’t have, on this event. I realized I was too young and shouldn’t have had to endure any of that. I agreed out of fear and acted as a child would. Afterwards, I felt so free, so light and it was amazing! It broke the hold that memory had on me for decades. Most importantly it taught me to look at these memories with more perspective…which has helped me in my journey.
You are correct, these memories show us what we have been through and how unbelievably strong and resilient we really are. 💜
(Apologies for the lengthy reply)
I love your perspective! Thanks for sharing!
I love how you have written about this... I only recently became aware of how my brain has a twisted way of building survival instincts..and to have it articulated so well is just wow...
Thank you so much.
I am curious to hear if any of you guys have ways of helping your brain reframe. I recently started documenting the joys in photos and voice notes that I oftenly revisit to help my brain remember.
So resonating beautifully written 💙💙💙
You're such an articulate writer Maci! I Iove your style!
From now on every time I get a compliment I am going to repeat it to myself 5 times so it becomes a positive memory! Great tip! Thank you! 💕
Wow this really changed my perspective!